whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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