when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
