Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
