SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
