the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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