She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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