Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
