a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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