Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
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I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
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Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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