I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He passed out mid-signature
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
