you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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