overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
