sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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