yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
