The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
