dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
