There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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