Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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