Having a random hookup so left but love u
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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