You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just found a bag of teeth...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
