Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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