I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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