Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
