now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
