if you like me you must not know who I am
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
