True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
All the doctor said was why
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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