now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
