I wish life had little blips of pornography
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize