**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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