girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
