I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize