Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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