Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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