nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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