Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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