Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
