I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
