Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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