i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
They took my balls.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
