fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
