ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
