I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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