I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
