Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He kissed a someone with a penis
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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