That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
