Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
