i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
