I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
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They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
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It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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