This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
