I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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