You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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