I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
