Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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