omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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