If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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