i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
do herpes really smell.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
