I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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