your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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