The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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