tell your sister to shave her snatch
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
this hospital has no fireball
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
