I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I lost the right to judge tonight
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
