its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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