if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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