he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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