At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
