guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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