She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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